Parents

Another challenge that Sir Nottaguy-Imadad and I are facing together is the Aging Parent Challenge.

My mom is still with us (mostly).  She lives in a nursing center that is about 10 minutes from our house (or 15 phone calls & hang ups).  She is in a wheelchair and on oxygen all of the time now.  Her Parkinson's Disease is making her legs numb (but with a burning, tingling feeling) so she cannot walk even with assistance.  Transferring her from her wheelchair into the car requires Sir's strength or a trained aide.  Therefore, taking her for doctor appointments means that I have to have someone go with me.  Poor David Riley has tried to help, but even his strength is not enough.  Mom seldom can remember anything for more than a few days, and sometimes not even that long.  (Case in point: Sunday she came to church and then went out to lunch with us.  Early Tuesday morning she called to find out if Sir was "ever going to come & get her laundry?  She hasn't seen us in forever & wants to talk."  When I reminded her that we had lunch together 2 days before, she couldn't remember at all.)  Her skin has become so fragile that she looks like she's being abused because of all the bruising, scrapes, cuts, and bumps.  Most of the time, they are self-inflicted because she is fighting against the aides or nurses who are trying to care for her.  Mom will be 93 in about a month. 

Sir's father is also in a nursing center.  He had knee replacement surgery last Fall, but hasn't been able to regain enough strength to walk again.  He's mostly in his bed except at meal times.  He can't hear well and his memory is failing.  We try to see him at least once a month.  Last week, Liz and family stopped in to see him on their way to our house.  He's still talking about how surprised he was!!  He does love to have company!  Dad can't hear well enough to have a phone conversation, but I try to call him weekly.

Sir's mom is still living in her own place.  She has a running to-do list whenever Sir has a Saturday free.  She goes to see Dad every day and usually takes him food (and then she eats his nursing home food!).  Her health is not good, but she gets along.  She's definitely gained strength and gotten more sleep since Dad went to the nursing center.  She talks about bringing him home, but then Sir or his brother convinces her that she can not give him the care he needs by herself.

As the kids, we are just kind of in a holding pattern.  We do the best we can to help our parents, but there's only so much we CAN do.  Some dear unenlightened soul had the nerve to tell me that it was just like raising children again.  Not even close!!!!  Yes, they are dependent on us for a lot, but they still have the ability and right to control decisions.  It's hard to stand back and let them make decisions that we know are going to cause greater physical or mental duress.  (Especially, when it is most likely that we will get to help salvage whatever is left.)  It's hard to listen to them complain about how bad they feel when they made the dietary decisions or ignored their doctor's advice.

We are both thankful that we still have these parents.  It's just so hard sometimes to be caught between them, our own lives and our children and grandchildren.  The "Sandwich Generation" doesn't even do it justice!